Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sad. Frustrated. Garg.

For the past few weeks I have been feeling extremely glum. When I left the theatre world I did not expect to miss it at all. I was so frustrated with myself, and with it that I was convinced that God was saying for me to get away from it.

Let me say it here and now folk: I was wrong.

I'm miserable. I think a lot of my frustrations were due to the people I was working with. The last role I was in was not a role I should have been cast, in my opinion. I was not right for the part. Add to that that it was along side my ex-boyfriend (and old best friend...) and you have a mess of an actor. It was awful. I got fed up with me. The director got fed up with me. Cast members got fed up with me. I was afraid to commit fully to the role because I didn't want to open up old feelings, because I wasn't sure they were completely gone.

And I was embarrassed to admit the problem, because I wasn't the only person with a problem with my ex, and in the theatre we are supposed to leave our problems at the door. And I just didn't know how to do that. I had also had an extremely rough term in acting coaching. My frustration levels were high in the last year.

Not to mention I was dealing with a lot of health problems in the last year, which prevented me from being able to concentrate fully on my studies. I often wonder what I may have accomplished in the last year had I not had those health problems. It wasn't until the end of the school year that I had figured them out.

Now, after being away from theatre from three months, I am absolutely miserable. I miss being on stage. I miss learning how to act. I miss singing in choir. I miss voice coaching.

There is just something within me that seems to needs the theatreee. I can't explain it. I have felt it since i was 5 years old. A need to perform. Acting/Music is like air to me, and I'm starting to feel like I'm living without oxygen. Can you say torture?

That being said, I don't think I made the wrong choice in leaving. I needed to get away from it to see that I really wanted it. I also don't believe that my old school is the right fit for me anymore, so I will not be returing there. I have decided to look into some other schools though..

I will be (trying) to pray for some Guidance in this.

Let's hope I can actually get over my pig-headedness and listen to God for a mew moments.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Some days people say things that amuse me to much not to write down. These are courtesy of people at work.

Two weeks ago at work I wasn't feeling very well...and Ms. V (who immigrated from Sri Lanka not long ago) says to me "You look like a....something."

Today I was looking at (and trying to decide if I should buy) a pair of shoes that are rather unique. This is the conversation that occured.

Me: Well, I don't know...they are kind of crazy.

Ms. V: Well, you look crazy, so it works.

Me: That's true.

Some of our shoes have rather unusual names....the most mind boggling one is called Stone Her. But I was looking at the shoes mentioned in the last quote. We had this conversation.

Ms. C: What are they called?

Me: (dreading trying to say the name) ...Vaglia...

Everyone: breaks out into laughter.

Ms. C: I think we need to rename that shoe.

We proceeded to try to find less awkward ways of pronouncing it.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Sully has a family!!!

Do you guys remember Sweet Sullivan, that I posted about here and here?

I have good news friends! My dear Sully has a family committed to adopt him!

I dont know much about them at this point, but please please help make there adoption possible by donating. I'm hoping to get into contact with the family. More information to come I hope!

I am absolutely overjoyed. After a year and a half of heart break, tears, and prayer for this little boy he finally will be able to have a family of his own! Praise God!

Look at this beautiful boy!

 How beautiful! When I first read that he had a family I gasped out loud and I swear that my heart stopped for a moment. Also, he had his birthday a few weeks ago, he is now five! I meant to post a birthday post for him, but it didn't happen.

Can I just let out a big WOOHOOO!!!

All about shoes! (Sort of)

So this is a just a quick update, I posted about three weeks ago that I had found a job and I would like to tell you all about it. (Anyone?)

I work at a shoe store. It's not just any shoe store. This place has taught me a lot about customer service and honor. Most places we go don't care about their customers. They grab what the customer needs and get the heck out of there. Not here. No. Instead it is a full service  There is something so humbling about kneeling on the floor in front of a person and putting on their shoes for them. Helping them find exactly what they need. Making sure they get what they want, and doing everything I can to help them be a satisfied customer with not only cool, but comfortable shoes that one will be able to wear all day. I had never put so much thought into shoes before. They are important. I still would prefer to go barefoot, but in a Canadian City that is just not an option.

I seriously love my job. I love my boss and my co-workers. Every once in a while I have a customer that makes me want to scream, but it makes me appreciate all the others. I feel at home there, and comfortable with who I am. I am slowly allowing my shyness to disappear. Which is excellent.  One thing that was emphasized when I was interviewed was that we are a family and that we take care of each other, and I am seeing that daily. I love that so much.

The first week I worked my legs were sore from all the running around, squatting and climbing ladders, but I have grown accustomed to it. I know I had said that I really wanted to out of retail, and I did but this job was really God's choosing. I don't get bored here, which is extremely untypical of me. I love interacting with all the different people. As far as retail goes shoes is a good place to be. The hours are great. I only work one evening a week which is fabulous.

I am also told I am a talented salesperson. Today says otherwise, but we all have bad days as far as that goes.

There are two downsides to the job. 1: I am becoming a shoe addict. I suddenly think, dream, and love shoes. Oops. and 2: My feet hurt, but I think that can be corrected with proper shoes.

I don't think I mentioned how I got this job. I was walking around a strip mall beside a nearby train station and dropping resumes off at various locations. I had applied to a few places, and I walked by the shoe store. I stopped and considered dropping mine off there...and decided not to. So I continued walking. Then I stopped, feeling like a should go in. Whether it was God telling me, or the Pretty Purple shoe in the window....who really knows? I bet it was God, but the shoe definitely helped. So I went in and dropped off my resume. I really didn't expect to hear anything back from them. There were no "HIRING NOW" ads in the window not advertisements online. I had applied to so many places at this point and barely heard anything from anyone.

A few days later I got a call from my manager (I don't actually remember which one it was...) asking me for come in for an interview. She said that she hadn't been looking to hire but one of her employees was moving at the end of the month and she would need to find someone to replace her. Since my resume was on her desk, she decided to give me a call.

Talk about good timing huh? Perhaps its more God timing.

I have so many posts I have to write! I have some very good news as well.